Celebrating My Birthday Without Skydiving (Or Dying)

So, hi. Big birthday coming up in a few months.

BIG

Don’t ask me how big - trauma doesn’t age well (believe me - I know), and frankly I’m not here to unpack that with you today.

We’re all just going to pretend age is merely a number… and that numbers can’t hurt us.

Moving on.

I’m here for ideas. Pure, uncut, perhaps pain-adjacent ideas

My original plan? Go big.

And by “big,” I mean something like the Drakensberg Chain Ladders.

Yes, the giant metal ladders bolted to a cliff face where with one wrong step and you might die.

Very festive.

Very birthday.

Some people celebrate milestones with wholesome things like spa days or wine tastings.

Others go skydiving.

I would like to clarify that I am not a fan of the former and, more importantly, I do not possess whatever personality trait compels people to jump off things recreationally.

I am, however mildly unhinged, deeply stubborn and capable of committing to a bad idea out of principle

Anyway, digression aside (don’t worry, you'll get used to it) - I’ve asked around for ideas.

Everyone says: “It’s your birthday, you decide.”

Sheila, sweet Sheila, if I could decide, we wouldn’t be having this conversation while I’m staring at a spreadsheet titled “Birthday Options (Final Final Real One)" and pretending that I have my life together.

Let’s talk requirements.

Duration

Four to five days max.

Preferably four.

Five days means getting home less than 24 hours before work, which as you know, is unacceptable.

If you're new here - work requires mental preparation, content needs to be finalised, and there is always at least one emergency cappuccino required to make it through the week.

Possibly two, depending on the severity of the situation.

Accomodation

No feral communal huts.

Not this time.

I’m happy to be feral on the hikes.

I am not happy to be feral while trying to sleep.

I’m basically 100 years old.

I require comfortable accommodation.

It’s my birthday.

Budget

Cheap.

Not “sleep on the ground next to a suspicious bush” cheap, but close.

Nice - but cheap.

The cheapest nice.

The least communal nice - but cheap.

Are we aligned?

Excellent.

Ideas Thus Far

I’ve had thoughts. Ideas. Some borderline good, some borderline insane.

But no decisions - yet.

Cape Town - because it’s a special place, and a few of my favourite humans live there, which feels like a strong selling point.

Waterval Boven and Onder have been calling my name for a while.

Loudly.

Persistently.

Slightly aggressively, if I’m honest.

Clarens and Fouriesburg always warm my soul and feel like home - but without the responsibilities or laundry.

So, actually, better than home.

The celebration will include at least one member of my tribe.

Possibly more - depending on where, when, and whether anyone has the audacity to maintain a life and/or a budget that does not revolve entirely around my birthday.

Which, frankly, feels inconsiderate.

But fine - the universe continues spinning.

So yes, there are options. Too many, actually.

And that is the problem.

All I know for certain - it must be memorable.

Something that proves, at least for a brief, glorious moment, that birthdays are about more than champagne, cake, and well-intended but slightly meaningless messages.

Because besides the big number, this year also celebrates something bigger.

It quietly marks the beginning of something new - something I had no idea I’d get the chance to build.

And yet somehow it’s unfolding into something that looks remarkably like the life I once only dared to quietly wish for.

So yes. No pressure.

Just a small, emotionally significant, mildly chaotic, budget-conscious, comfort-required, life-affirming birthday.

Easy.

Now then.

Don’t just sit there.

Contribute.