De Wildt Cheetah Lodge:Honey Badger Chronicles

So this is how this day happened…

I vaguely saw a post on Facebook about a new trail at De Wildt—something something Honey Badger Trail—but I half-saw it and moved on with my life. Fast forward a few days, and my ride or die hiking pal, Sage, drops a “Have you done it yet?” in my messages like some sort of hiking oracle.

Clearly, the universe had spoken. The trail demanded to be hiked.

We’d planned it for a few weeks. Sage said she’d bring a friend or two. And as much as I

hate people, any friend of Sage’s is a friend of mine. Then I got a message from "Her", asking where I was hiking that weekend. She was in. Boom. Squad assembled. Date and place set. Well, kind of.

Because naturally, I drove to the wrong side of De Wildt—De Wildt Adventure Trails, grinning like an idiot, ready to stomp some earth. Met two friendly strangers in the parking lot. Living my best pre-hike life.

Then Sage calls me. “Where are you?” Oh, just... completely in the wrong place. Turns out they were waiting at De Wildt Cheetah Lodge. Ten minutes further.

"Her" (soon to be named), who wasn't even in the group chat, made it to the right location. Without help. I can't even begin to justify myself. Honestly, at this point, I’m just comic relief.

This was technically the third hike with "Her", and frankly, she’s earned a name. So, she shall now be known as Rosemary—Independent. Doesn’t need pampering. No-nonsense. Not overly sweet or delicate, but direct and aromatic. Grounded. Deeply associated with tradition and healing.

At this point, I really need to start a spreadsheet titled “The Spice Rack: A Guide to My Hiking Crew”—because honestly, I’m one hike away from accidentally calling someone Oregano when they’re clearly Coriander.

Our third hiking pal? We’re calling him MVP because he basically turned into our unofficial guide. Calm, patient, efficient—and somehow didn’t bolt even while stuck with three jabbering women for hours. Give that man a trophy.

This was probably the longest technical trail I’ve ever done. Not the longest in distance. Not the most technical in isolation. But the combo? A full-blown slog. Steep inclines and treacherous descents and the majority technical.

The trees caught my eye before we even started—each one radiating its own weird personality. Twisted trunks, theatrical leanings and roots clinging to a trunk. Some even gave off violent energy... which, as it turns out, was a warning.

Because once the declines turned into technical rock chutes of doom—those very trees appeared. They were helpfully marked “No Touching,” which naturally meant I touched one by accident. Hairline thorns. Not exactly excruciating, but annoying enough to feel like nature slapping you with a passive-aggressive “I told you so.” Honestly, it felt like they were warning us to turn back. And honestly? They had a point.

But did we listen? Absolutely not. We pushed through. Slowly, slightly unhinged—but determined. And by the time we reached the bottom, we felt like bruised, dehydrated, slightly feral superheroes... but superheroes nonetheless.

We spotted the most incredible roots embedded straight into the cliff face. And no, I didn’t stop to take pictures—because my phone was tucked safely away while I focused on not falling to my death.

The trail owner mentioned he's planning to install ropes in some of the sketchier spots. Excellent idea. Because once those summer rains hit? Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your hiking boots.

Oh—and the vultures. Of course. Circling in the distance, as they always do. Observing. Judging. Laughing. Again. Honestly, at this point, I feel like we have a relationship.

We passed through a gorge that will probably be magical in summer. Even in winter, though, the views on this trail were something else. Open. Wild. Dramatic. Worth every ounce of calf burn and emotional scarring.

As for the difficulty? There’s no “medium to hard.” No “tough but doable.” It’s just... hard. Full stop. But absolutely awesome.

Oh, and about the elevation—roughly 8000 m above sea level (give or take, don’t @ me). Thankfully, the climb isn’t one foul swoop. It’s more of a slow, sadistic staircase from hell. So yes, it kills you… just not all at once. How generous.

These three legends were the only acceptable company for this level of madness.

Welcome to the Spice Rack, Rosemary. I have a strong suspicion this is just the beginning of many more beautifully chaotic adventures.

RATING

AREA

De Wildt, Brits

COST 

R 100

DIFFICULTY - Hard

LENGTH - 14.22 km

TIME - (including snack stops, sanity breaks and dramatic pauses to stay alive).

MARKERS - Good

HIGHLIGHTS

The views. Big, dramatic kind of views.

The trail itself—winter is its sweet spot. Crisp air, fewer regrets, and no chance of melting into the terrain.

But summer? That gorge will be lush, humid, and the trail supa scenic. Pack water. Maybe electrolytes. Possibly draft your will.

ABLUTIONS

SAFE FREE PARKING

AMENITIES 

Rustic camping

Self-catering glamping

Comfortable lodge suites. Basically, something for every level of hiker.

NOTE TO SELF

Anything is doable.

Some things just hurt more than others.

ON A FINAL NOTE

Be warned. But if you’re even slightly unhinged… absolutely DO.

(TO)SOLO OR (NO)SOLO

(NO)SOLO