Eagle Cove Hiking Trails: The Ladder of Doom

So, off we went to tackle Eagle Cove. I knew this was going to be brutal...but this brutal? Absolutely not. To be fair, we were smack dab in the middle of a heat wave. Combine that with an early group hike derailed by a jackknifed truck (how rude), and you’ve got the perfect recipe for brutality disguised as adventure.

It had all the ingredients for an epic hike...rock scrambling, inclines (ugh, my nemesis), and a stream which added some much needed water to

an otherwise dry hike...seeing that the last time we had seen rain that side of the world was in 1922.

So there I was, as usual, having a full-blown, silent argument with myself on the inclines. Berating my clearly unhinged self for willingly signing up for yet another murderous hike and vowing—once again—that this would absolutely, positively, 100% be the last time. And to think, I actually seek out these epic hikes... with enthusiasm! Like, why?

One could simply opt for a dignified, civilized stroll, right? But no, not me. Oh no, I’m here at the grand old age of 58, trying to prove that I can now conquer things I didn’t even attempt at twenty-bloody-one! What is wrong with me?!

Anyway, me, myself and I agreed.....no more. And just when I thought I’d reached the peak of my suffering (literally and figuratively), someone dropped the words, “Let’s head towards the ladder.”

Excuse me, a ladder? On a hiking trail? Who is this for—spiders? Parkour enthusiasts? What kind of torturous journey includes a ladder? Who was this ladder meant for? What diabolical purpose did it serve? Oh, right—apparently, it was there to scale a cliff we mere mortals couldn’t walk up. Fantastic. No problem, I thought. I’ll just take the alternative route.

Wait, what do you mean there’s no alternative route?!

That's when our trusty hiking leader - the very same gazelle-like wonder who once saved my phone from a cliff a few weeks earlier, cheerfully assured me I’d “be fine” and that they’d “help” me. I wanted to scream that I was heavier than my phone, scared of heights and she needed to step aside and direct me to the alternative route. But I refrained...and you know what...they indeed took care of me.

Was I treated like a fragile porcelain doll the entire way up? Yes. Did I care? Not one bit. I basked in thunderous applause at the top—like a conquering hero.

Sure, some of the others were a little salty they didn’t get the same reception, but did they bring the energy I brought to that ladder?? I think bloody not!!

RATINGS

AREA - Kumbagana Game Park, close to Rustenburg

COST - R 130

DIFFICULTY - Pheeeuw!!

LENGTH 

There are 4, 6 and 9 km. We did the 9 km.....but don’t let that number fool you. It wasn’t a "cute little jaunt"; it was a full-blown test of endurance disguised as a manageable hike.

MARKERS - not awful, but could never have done it alone.

HIGHLIGHTS 

Equal parts terror and triumph. Bonus: applause for surviving it

Oh, and a wow stream....But unfortunately, while everyone else was busy kumbaya-ing in the stream, finding their inner zen and whatnot, I was clutching my broken body and mentally cursing that upcoming *&^% ladder. Sure, the stream was lovely—maybe I’ll see it properly next time... if someone arranges a chopper drop-off. Anyone? No? Oh well, that would be a hard no then.

ABLUTIONS - Great

SAFE FREE PARKING - Yes

AMENITIES 

Eagle Cove isn’t just a trail; it’s a full experience. With a little tuck shop for post-hike snacks, overnight backpacking, and cozy log cabin accommodation, it’s got something for everyone—well, everyone who isn’t fleeing home crying like a baby after a gruelling hike.

ON A FINAL NOTE

Was it worth it? Let’s talk scenery: meh. Post-apocalyptic chic with just enough greenery to remind you it’s not Mad Max. It had moments, sure, but mostly it felt like a test of sheer willpower.

Would I do it again? HELL. NO. But am I glad I did it once? ABSOLUTELY! It yanked me right out of my comfort zone—that cozy little bubble I so desperately cling to—and delivered that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from a tough group hike.

The kind where everyone has your back and you all survive and come out the other end (mostly) intact.

Would recommend for:

• Masochists.

• People who think inclines are "fun."

• Hikers who enjoy bragging rights about climbing ladders.

Everyone else—consider yourself warned. This hike isn’t for the faint-hearted, the easily discouraged, or those who like their toenails intact. But who knows? You might just love it.

Everyone else? I so warned you!! You're welcome.