Escaping the Chaos of Joburg Traffic at Moreleta Kloof, But Still Owed a Hike"

jeeksparties8
Oct 11, 2024
4 min read

Okay, so I was suitably miff recently, because on a recent Saturday (yes, one of the two sacred hiking days), it decided to rain. RAIN. Seriously? On a Saturday?? You have got to be kidding me.

Of course, I could’ve still hiked, but no one would join me. And I wasn’t about to slip, break a leg, and become someone’s "tragic Monday morning discovery."

So, Saturday was a total write-off. Instead of being out in nature, I lazed around... lazed around, as if that’s somehow okay. Big no-no in my book.

But, just so you understand the extent of my 'miffness', living in Johannesburg means you'll hike literally anywhere just to escape the chaos. And by chaos, I mostly mean the roads. And by roads... let's not even get started on the potholes.... or the dreaded taxis. That could turn into an entire novel. Today, let’s focus on the true menace: the slow drivers!!!!

I’m still trying to figure out when the government made the executive decision that the urban speed limit should now be somewhere between “molasses” and “watching paint dry”—did I miss a citywide memo? Maybe there was a press conference I somehow slept through?

If you're out there driving at 20 km/h—first of all, just stop. But if you absolutely must turn your car into a slow-moving hazard, do not—I repeat, do not—dart in front of me while I’m merrily cruising at a reasonable 60 km/h. Why, for the love of everything sacred, would you feel the need to slingshot into the fast lane just to crawl at 40 km/h?

I get it, maybe you’re out there admiring the crumbling infrastructure, the non-existent lane markers, and every little scenic pothole this city so graciously provides. But could you do me a solid and wait until after I’ve passed before joining your private snail rally? And where there are two lanes, STAY IN THE LEFT LANE. Some of us have places to be that aren’t five meters in front of us in the next half hour.

Honestly, my weekend hikes? They’re the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.

And when I finally get away from the mayhem and still find myself surrounded by jaw-dropping nature, it’s like a breath of fresh air.

On that note.... Sunday. My trusty hiking partner who has become quite the regular, probably because he and his brother, Salt, struck some deal on who gets stuck with mom for a while. Tag-team hiking if you will.

Our first destination was Klapperkop Nature Reserve in Pretoria. I had spotted it on my radar at some point.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by.....confusion. There was a gate, a guard hut, but no guard, no pay station, just a few people wandering around.

After stopping a woman on her Sunday morning walk, we were informed that it’s one of those "just walk wherever" situations. No payment required. A free-for-all hike.

She looked confused that we looked confused, Honestly, it’s probably best Pepper and I stay on the clueless list permanently. Less paperwork, fewer questions, and who needs clarity anyway? Confusion is basically our brand at this point!

So, no fees, no maps, just vibes. Which is fantastic, except it felt like we could've just wandered around our own neighborhood... minus the scenic view of, you know, the highway. Okay, I hear myself—that sounds condescending, but weirdly, highway and all, it still looked like it could've been amazing.,

Plan B kicked in which was Moreleta Kloof in Pretoria, a trail I actually did want to revisit. Pepper, Salt, and I had been there in our early, pre-Olympic-level-hiker days. The "pre-tag team days," if you will.

I’d seen photos from a colleague's hike there not long after and had a big “no waaaaay” moment. The pictures were beautiful, full of wildlife and lush plants—none of which we saw. Apparently, we had taken the "Boring, No-Wildlife-Just-Plants-You-Don’t-Care-About" trail.

So, off to Moreleta we went. The trail seemed a bit short for my usual ambitious standards—especially after my zero-intensity Saturday. I was ready for something big, but clearly, the universe had other plans for me this weekend.

And then, just 5 minutes in, the Universe finally did something right: we were greeted by ostriches, zebras, springbok, and duikers.

Seriously, how is it that you can be so humbled by wildlife? Like, find me the one person who isn’t! They’re either a corpse or they haven’t had Bambi stare into their soul yet.

The trail itself? Perfectly gentle, nothing too intense—no lung-busting hills. Just a nice, peaceful walk. Could I have gone for a few more kilometers? Sure. But it was still enough to make me feel accomplished.

So, Universe, you nearly blew it this weekend, but thanks to some surprise wildlife, you managed to squeak by. Just don’t even think about pulling that rain stunt again when I’ve got a hike planned. Rain belongs on Mondays.

AREA - Pretoria East

COST - FREE

It never ceases to amaze me how the trails with free entrance can be as well kept and clean as the ones with an entry fee. And this one was one of them!

DIFFICULTY - Easy

LENGTH

Probably about 5km if you do both trails

TIME

1 hour if you’re speed walking, 90 minutes if you enjoy it

ELEVATION - 113 m

This isn’t flat, but it also depends on who's asking.

I’ve had people message me, “Is this trail okay for someone who's recently had surgery?”

I’m honestly not sure how hard you can push a post-surgery body, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful that I can’t relate.

I judge trails based on the complaints of my old, creaky body with its daily aches and random spasms. Not sure that compares to post-surgery hikers.

So, in short—definitely not flat, but for my decrepit self? Totally manageable.

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