Groenkloof Round Three: Still Tough, Still Worth It (Kind Of)

jeeksparties8
Jun 28
3 min read

Updated: Jun 29

So… Groenkloof. Again. Not the first time I’ve hiked this trail. Not even the second. This was round three — and by now, you’d think I’d be a seasoned pro at this particular route. Apparently, I was not.

In my memory (what's left of it), Groenkloof was casually lumped in with Moreleta — you know, leafy, laid-back, mildly sweaty suburbia.

I think I got confused because Groenkloof and Moreleta both sound vaguely… nature-adjacent? I don’t know. They just live in the same mental folder labeled "Trails That Won’t Try to Kill You." Which, as it turns out, was a gross misfile. My brain betrayed me — again

Anyway, what I discovered on this day was twofold:

My memory is a filthy liar.
Groenkloof is not the chilled Sunday wander I hallucinated — it’s tough.

Is Groenkloof the most memorable trail in Gauteng? Absolutely not. Is it worth the slog up relentless inclines just to catch a glimpse of… well, more bush? Personally, no.

But the real reason I signed up for this hike wasn’t the scenery — it was the squad. I hadn’t hiked with this hiking group in what felt like forever. Weekend hikes and clashing calendars had gotten in the way. So when I saw they were doing Groenkloof, I thought, “Why the hell not?” A pleasant stroll with pleasant people.

This trail wastes no time — it starts off with a climb that drags on for over a kilometer. How do I know this? Because Groenkloof provides signposts every kilometer. Love that.

It was led by one half of the dynamic duo I call L squared. The other L? Sweeping the back like the responsible, patient adult she is.

At the start, we were offered two options: 5km or the full 10km experience. Naturally, I chose violence — sorry, 10km. Why? Because I had clearly blacked out any memory of what this trail was actually like.

You know those hikes that feel like they will never end? The kind where you’re swearing under your breath that you’re so done, but you keep walking because... well, where exactly are you going to go? Yep. This was that.

The inclines? Relentless. The terrain? Let’s call it “character-building” — because “mildly traumatic” sounds dramatic (but also accurate). And the declines? Just as tricky as the climbs.

The trail was one of those rocky numbers. And as my hiking pal Cinnamon likes to say, there are two kinds of rocks on trails: the ones that aren’t rooted in the ground and make you slide, and the ones that are rooted in the ground and make you trip. Nearly met both. Personally. Repeatedly.

To be fair, my extensive list of grievances may also be sponsored by the fact that I had a headache for roughly 80% of the hike — and my toes? Oh, they were staging a full-blown protest inside my relatively new hiking boots. But the boots? That’s a whole other TED Talk for another day.

The hike starts just a stone’s throw from the highway, but once you get deeper into the trail, it actually becomes… peaceful. You almost forget you’re smack in the middle of Pretoria. The noise fades away, the bush takes over, and for a moment, you’re just a tired hiker with sore feet and a very short memory about why you came in the first place.

So honestly: if you’re after a hike that’s close to the city, gets your heart rate up, and has just enough technical spice to keep things interesting — Groenkloof is a solid option. But if you’re like me, and you firmly believe that a hike’s difficulty should be directly proportional to the wow-factor at the top... this one might not make the cut.

Unless, of course, you're due for a reunion hike and you like a little side of pain with your nostalgia.