Hiking and Eating Habits

There’s a dangerous assumption people make when they discover you hike every weekend.

"Wow, you must be in amazing shape."

Oh, Glenda (metaphorical hiking acquaintance), how sweet of you to assume.

I do hike every weekend - I also die a little up hills, sweat. complain internally (mostly) and consider lying down halfway up.

Fitness? Debatable.

I do keep going. Because spite is a powerful motivator.

Also views - sometimes there are views.

But I also approach post-hike meals like a person who has been reliably informed that food may never be available again.

No, Hiking Does Not Make You a Health Guru

I have seen trail snackers who move through nature like competitive eaters with hiking poles - energy bars, chocolate, gummy sweets or one of those electrolyte gels that looks suspiciously like something you'd use to seal bathroom tiles.

The hiking industry has somehow convinced people they need to consume their body weight in processed carbohydrates to survive a three-hour walk.

Personally, I don't enjoy grazing continuously while walking - apparently this makes me unusual.

Hydrate - absolutely - maybe a little more salt and a little less mystery paste, but that's just me.

A snack every kilometre? Probably unnecessary.

But if your walking routine requires the nutritional strategy of an ultra-marathon runner, we may need to have a chat.

You can simply... walk.

Finish the hike.

And then talk food!

Post-Hike Hunger

This is where all hikers become one.

Post-hike hunger is not normal hunger.

Normal hunger whispers politely: “Perhaps a snack?”

Post-hike hunger screams: “FEED ME OR I WILL DISMANTLE SOCIETY.”

It is primal.

Biblical.

A void that cannot be reasoned with.

And the meal? It is never too much. Never uncomfortable. No bloating, no regret.

Just the perfect satisfaction of having earned it.

I would argue this is one of life’s small joys.

Work hard. Eat well. It is a simple philosophy.

The Universal Truth of Post-Hike Feasts

I am convinced evolution intended this.

Ancestors chased mammoths. Then they ate.

I chase trails. Then I eat .....meals the size of a small mammoth - it makes sense.

Post-hike meals taste superior. This is not a theory - it is a scientific fact.

So Am I Healthy?

Define healthy.

I move regularly.

I spend time outdoors.

I willingly climb hills despite having absolutely no obligation to do so.

These seem like positives.

On the other hand, I also eat like a shipwreck survivor after every hike.

Health is not a single metric - it is not about perfection.

It is about doing things that make you feel human: moving your body, enjoying the outdoors, laughing at your own suffering on steep climbs, and occasionally sitting down to a meal so satisfying your soul briefly leaves its body and applauds.

If that's healthy - then yes - yes, I am healthy.