I Have a System (The System Is Chaos)

I am painfully aware that I have this unfortunate habit of telling people things about my daily life that they absolutely did not request.

Not even slightly.

No one wakes up thinking - “You know what would really complete today? A detailed account of her 11:47am decisions.”

And yet, like a public nuisance with Wi-Fi access, I continue.

I’ve been told that I am a “storyteller" - which feels a generous rebranding of “person who sounds like they’re making things up for dramatic effect.”

But, truly, I’m not making things up.

I simply exist in a state of low-grade chaos, which, inconveniently for everyone else, generates a steady stream of content.

And if my life insists on being this bizarre, the least I can do is release it into the wild.

Think of it as a public service.

Or a cautionary tale.

Also, when people say they can relate, it’s deeply comforting for me.

Not in a “we’re thriving” way, but more in a quiet, slightly concerning, “oh good… it’s not just me” kind of way.

Anyway, in a deeply confusing turn of events, I recently attempted personal growth.

Not on purpose, obviously - but there has been movement.

Unfortunately, it’s in a direction I’ve historically avoided.

People have often suggested I start WhatsApp hiking groups.

And to be clear - no.

For two very solid reasons.

Firstly, I function best when I am only responsible for myself and a small, carefully curated tribe of equally unhinged - but deeply cherished - individuals who have knowingly opted in.

They understand the crazy.

They’ve read the fine print.

Once it extends to the general public, suddenly it’s all “responsibility” this and “other people’s lives,” that, which feels like an unnecessary escalation.

Secondly, I am excellent at ideas - visionary, even.

Always have been.

Execution, planning, logistics - absolutely not my department.

Never has been.

And yet…I recently organised some hiking WhatsApp groups.

Yes. Me.

A person who looks at WhatsApp group chat streams like an incoming threat - avoid eye contact, don’t engage, and hope it passes.

I created several WhatsApp groups (already ambitious), one of which was very efficiently planned for Hazeldean on the 24th of April.

Dates were set.

People were added.

It was disturbingly competent.

Naturally, I then suggested the exact same hike to Basil on a completely different day.

In March.

A full month earlier.

Basil, blissfully unaware of the April plan, agreed.

I, blissfully unaware of my own limitations, continued.

This might have gone unnoticed until the actual 24th, at which point I would have arrived either twice or not at all, had it not been for one observant human in the group who gently flagged the issue when she saw my post.....on Hazeldean.

So yes, crisis averted.

A new trail selected.

Only to find out...I subsequently messed that up too.

Anyway, everyone remains alive.

The system, somehow, limps on.

But this is exactly why I’ve avoided responsibility.

Logistics require consistency, awareness, and a basic grip on reality - none of which I can guarantee.

I am not built for coordination. I am built for explaining, at length, why coordination failed.

Still, I’ll give this “organised person” era a few more attempts.

Purely as a case study.

After that, I will be returning to my natural state - low responsibility, high storytelling, and absolutely none of these fancy, overachieving WhatsApp groups.