Lonehill Koppies: An Adventure In Suburbia

On this particular morning there was me, Basil (Boris’s two-legged human), and absolutely no Boris.

We did not discuss it.

We did not acknowledge it.

We simply moved forward… like emotionally mature adults avoiding eye contact with guilt.

There would be no trail recordings.

No Strava receipts.

Not a single shred of evidence

Because Lonehill Koppies (and later Rietfontein Nature Reserve) are not dog friendly - on or off lead!

Sorry, Boris.

Please don’t check my phone.

I expected two “small suburban” trails… you know...gentle little wanders.

Well… nope. Both blew every expectation out of the water.

So… let’s start with Lonehill Koppies.

Early Start

The gates opened at 6 am - always music to my ears.

Quick note: never trust me to navigate anything.

This is not a cute storytelling device.

This is my personality.

I arrived at Basil’s at 6:15 am, used the bathroom…and somehow got lost walking from her back door to her car.

Anyway, back to why we’re here.

From the second we entered,  it was clear this wasn’t just “a koppie plonked in suburbia."

This place is immaculately maintained, clearly loved, and very intentionally laid out - benches, picnic areas - the kind of place that makes you realise that someone actually cares.

Of course they do....Joburg City Parks., showing up...again!

Choose Your Own Adventure

You can loop the koppie, boulder scramble the koppie or… do everything

Naturally, we chose everything.

We started with the loop, strolling along a fence bordering a residential complex.

Early morning quiet. Birds doing bird admin. Very zen.

Then - BAM - tiny graveyard.

Whose graveyard?

Why there?

Why does no one talk about it?

If you know… I need answers.

Next came the guinea fowl and dassies, scattering like we’d interrupted an extremely exclusive koppie meeting.

It genuinely felt like we were guests in their home.

Privileged. Connected. Slightly trespassing.

Scrambling, Crawling & Doing It Backwards

There are massive boulders stacked on top of other massive boulders.

At some point we realised we were doing the route backwards - but honestly? It didn’t matter.

The scramble is beautifully marked, impeccably maintained, and stupidly fun.

Tight squeezes. Crawl-throughs. Constant problem-solving.

Basically rock puzzles…but with consequences.

At the summit: sweeping views over northern Joburg that make you go,“How is this still Johannesburg and not Pretoria?”

That’s also when the humans started arriving - coming the correct way, of course.

Starting early was a very good decision.

Thorn Trees, Park Runs & January Delusions

Somewhere along the way I brushed against one of those hairpin thorn trees - previously encountered on the Honey Badger Trail at De Wildt.

Just irritating enough to remind you nature is petty.… but honestly, if you stay irritated on an adventure this good, you’re choosing violence.

Once we descended, we were greeted by what looked like an entire small town of humans gathering for a park run at Lonehill Park and Dam across the road.

Aahh, January.

When everyone has goals.

Cars were parked kilometres away.

We, meanwhile, had been first in the lot.

RATINGS

Trail Information

AREA

Lonehill.

COST

Free (we love that for us)

Trail Details

TRAIL DIFFICULTY

Choose your own adventure - anything from a flat loop to a full-blown technical playground

TRAIL LENGTH

± 2 km (short, but technical)

TRAIL MARKERS

Good

TRAIL HIGHLIGHTS

If you’re new here: scrambling is my love language. I feel indestructible.

Steep inclines make me swear I’m never hiking again.

This trail? Flat loop with koppie scrambling.

No soul-crushing cardio.

No slow uphill suffering.

In the middle of suburbia.

Honestly — who even approved this level of joy?

WEATHER CONDITIONS TO CONSIDER

It's fairly well shaded

ABLUTIONS

None that I saw, but there are nearby.

SAFE FREE PARKING

AMENITIES

Coffee caravan and coffee shop nearby

WILDLIFE & BIRD LIFE

Dassies.

Guinea fowl.

No lions, but honestly… it was special enough.

NOTE TO SELF

Never say the word "koppie" in front of Boris.

FAMILY FRIENDLY

Yes - but little humans may need help boulder-hopping

PET FRIENDLY

Nope.

Not a word to Boris.

You didn’t see us. We weren’t there.

ON A FINAL NOTE

Combine this hike with the park and dam and you’ve got yourself an outstanding morning outdoors - even if you leave the dog at home.

Sorry again, Boris.

(TO)SOLO OR (NO)SOLO

The only reason for (NO)SOLO for me, would be if I tumbled dramatically down a boulder and needed someone to fetch my dignity.