Riversands Farm Village: So Apparently, I’m a Gusher Now

jeeksparties8
Feb 16
4 min read

I had a shocking realization on this trail: I am a gusher. Now, let’s be clear—I have never, in any way, shape, or form, been a gusher. In fact, I actively avoid them. You know those people who squeal about things and expect you to join in their emotional explosion? Yep, those people. If you’re one of them, great, but also… please stop trying to recruit me.

At least, that’s what I thought—until this day, when it hit me: Dammit!! Hiking makes me gush!! Whether it’s out loud or just an internal monologue of me shrieking about trees, streams, and a particularly well-placed rock, the gushing is nonstop.

Which, of course, led to me having some words with the Universe. Because excuse me?! NOW? Now you decide to drop this little gift into my lap? Now, when I’m old and broken? Imagine the absolute gangsta I would’ve been if I had found hiking when I was young and whole, before I required a full strategy session to stand up after sitting too long.

But then I thought about it. And I realized: I couldn’t have done it before. You know—life and all. Responsibilities. Obligations. The small matter of ensuring my children made it to adulthood without causing (too much) lasting damage.

So, fine, Universe. I see what you did there. You waited until I was slightly battered, mildly broken, and running on questionable joint cartilage—but emotionally ready. Cute.

Anyway, onto this hike. I found myself at Riversands Farm Village with two members of TrailTribe, my recently launched Discord group. One of them—"Her"—is still pending a condiment name (one more hike, and she’s getting named whether she likes it or not). The other? Well, time will tell if she’s a regular or if we’ve permanently traumatized her with our (okay....MY) relentless gushing and shameless photo ops.

This particular hike landed on my radar thanks to a Facebook follower (I see you, by the way—and thank you for always engaging). posting about it. It looked promising, so I mentally stashed it in my ever-growing "Hikes to Conquer" list. But every time I brought it up, the conversation went like this:

Them: "Oh yeah, I know that place!"Also them: "Wait… there’s a trail there?"

I swear, every single person. Apparently, Riversands Farm Village is well-known—for its farmer’s market. The actual trail? A well-kept secret. Which, honestly, I found both intriguing and slightly suspicious.

On arrival, the car guards informed us that the trail was free (love that) and pointed us in the direction of the start. There were different color-coded markers indicating trail routes. But honestly? At no point did we actually know which color was which, or what trail we were doing.

So, like the confident and experienced hikers we are (read: clueless but determined), we just started walking. And truth be told..… it was meh.

Then it became slightly scenic—not enough to write poetry about, but pleasant. It was quiet, peaceful, and inoffensive. Nothing spectacular. Nothing terrible.

At that point, if that trail had a personality, it would be that one co-worker who flies under the radar, but also never gets invited to after-work drinks....…Oh. That’s me. So yes, this hike was basically me.

We were almost at the end when we saw our first two humans. Two ladies, who clearly knew the trail better than we did, They asked if we had been through the forest yet.

The what now? That’s when it dawned on us: we had gone rogue.

We should have realised that when all the trail markers were facing the wrong way, but, you know… details.

So we followed the enlightened ones, and—oh. The forest. Now that was gush-worthy.

It was shaded—a welcome change, and it wasn’t just shaded. It was magical. Suddenly, the entire vibe of the hike shifted. It felt like we had stumbled into an entirely different world—one where the trees whispered secrets and the air was just a little cooler because it had some actual respect for human suffering.

There was water. (I never know if it is a dam, a lake, or some oddly ambitious puddle). It had this almost marshy, eerie beauty, like something out of a fantasy novel. Very unique.

It was also home to an acrobranch course and zip-lining. Which is where my fearless, adventure-seeking tribe member, "Her", zip-lined like an absolute badass. And me? Well, someone had to take the photos. Also because I am not zip-lining. Nope. Not today, not ever. Gravity and I have an agreement, and I refuse to test it.

After finishing the hike, we were ready for some well-earned coffee and relaxation.

But alas, the venue had been booked out for a corporate event. Which meant no coffee. No farmers market. No additional exploration.

RATING

AREA:

I thought Sandton. Google says Midrand. But honestly? It felt more like Fourways. So go ahead—pick whatever makes your GPS happy.

COST FREE!

DIFFICULTY: Easy

DISTANCE

We walked 6.7 km

TIME: 2 hours

ELEVATION: FLAT

MARKERS

Exist, but are they helpful? Debatable. But you can't get lost. Yes, granted, you can go the complete incorrect way, but you won't get lost.

HIGHLIGHTS

Definitely the forest.

ABLUTIONS

SAFE FREE PARKING

AMENITIES

So I can’t comment on the facilities other than to say there is acrobranch, zip-lining and bike trails. Also a Farmer's Market and places to eat.

Oh, and a dog friendly trail!

SOLO OR NO SOLO

Not for me—only because I trip over invisible rocks like it’s my job. Maybe it was quieter due to the corporate function. So if there’s a chance that another hiker might stumble across me lying dramatically in a ditch, I’d consider it.

For someone who does not have my problem with rocks, probably. That said, I am not responsible for anyone else’s bad life choices. So, you do you.