The Great Camping Scam - Camping vs. CAMPING: A Tale of Two Tents

So, my recent camping trip taught me a very valuable lesson—there’s camping, and then there’s CAMPING. Sound the same? Oh no, my sweet summer child. One is the old-school, character-building, pack-light, rough-it experience: grab a tent, throw in some basics, pack your snacks, and off you go.

Then there’s CAMPING. The kind where your tent is not so much a tent as it is a canvas-clad mansion—.The kind where you can walk in upright instead of awkwardly crab-crawling in. (And let me tell you, at 58, crab-crawling is a tad shit).

It’s not quite full-blown glamping, but it’s close. Your “sleeping bag” is a king-sized, self-inflating air mattress that looks more luxurious than the sad excuse for a bed you have at home.

You have a kettle. A sink. Possibly a mini-fridge. Mood lighting? Probably. An alarm system? Hopefully—because, you know, campground crime.

Nothing says “rugged outdoor adventure” quite like brewing a perfect cup of tea in your portable kitchen while your unfortunate tent neighbors (me. I am the unfortunate tent neighbors) are putting their lives at risk, trying to connect the portable gas stove to the portable gas canister without causing an explosion.

See, I was under the impression that camping was meant to be a budget holiday. Turns out, there’s a choice:

1. You can have a "camping" holiday, where you rough it like it’s 1995 and embrace true suffering. (Yes, again, me. I suffered. Truly.)

   
   

2. Or you can have a CAMPING holiday, where, thanks to Shein and Temu, you can virtually purchase an entire campsite for the price of a Vida e Caffè order.

   
   

3. Or, if you’re feeling particularly financially reckless, you can take out a small (ish) loan and buy everything at your local camping store—for significantly more money, but with the undeniable satisfaction of superior quality (and the deep, lingering regret of checking your bank balance afterward).

   
   

   Either option 2 or 3 gets you to a level of comfort where you start to question: Do I even need to go back home? Or is this tent—fully furnished, climate-controlled, and more aesthetically pleasing than my actual house—just my new reality now?

Either way? That whole “camping is a cheap getaway” thing? Not so much. Camping might be cheap. CAMPING, on the other hand, is just Airbnb with extra mosquitoes.

But Hey, I Did Learn a Few Things...

1. A brilliant suggestion from a Facebook comment (shoutout to the wisdom of internet strangers!) Instead of getting frustrated with an inflatable pillow that will inevitably disappoint you, just bring an empty pillowcase and stuff it with your jacket. Boom. Instant, comfy pillow. And yes, I listened. And yes, I was grateful.

   
   

2. The Plastic Bag System – Sage, my also first-time camper (but once off multi-day backpacker), had another game-changing tip (for my next trip): pack each day's clothes, food, electrolytes, whatever, in a separate reusable bag. That way, you’re not digging through your entire backpack every time you need something. And before you start yelling “BUT THE ENVIRONMENT!”—calm down, they’re reusable.

   
   

Would I Do It Again?

Now that it’s been a minute post-hike, am I thinking... maybe? Just maybe?

Well, if I CAMP as opposed to camp… definitely. And as one of my much loved (and far wiser) hiking buddies puts it: “Why suffer if I don’t have to?”

Why, indeed.

Of course, this means I’ll need to save money… so I can spend more money… on gear that will save me money… on trips that, mysteriously, still cost a fortune. Whatever. Just smile, wave, and embrace the adventure, right?

And in the meantime, if you’re one of those bougie CAMPERS—can I borrow your kettle? And, oh, that portable toilet that’s suspiciously nicer than the one in my own home?