Pretoria Botanical Gardens: Because Obviously

Ever since I became a “hiker,” I assumed that the Pretoria National Botanical Gardens and the Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens were the same place.

Because obviously, if two things share the words “Botanical” and “Gardens,” they must be identical. That’s just science.

After recently hiking Walter Sisulu, I decided to do something radical: verify a fact before announcing it as truth. Growth.

According to my son Pepper, this tendency to assume first and Google never is a “long-standing character flaw.”

Thank you, Pepper. Nothing like being roasted by someone who still needs help finding his shoes.

Anyway, breaking news: they are not the same place. Not geographically. Not spiritually. Not even a little bit.

You’re welcome for this groundbreaking research.

The Spice Rack Expands

For this hike, I invited my work colleague Cinnamon.

Midweek, “G” (formerly known as The Lady) messaged asking to join.

This would be her third hike with me, which - if you’ve been paying attention - means automatic induction into my Spice Rack.

It’s very exclusive.

Very prestigious.

Completely self-appointed.

HR has been notified. They said they'll put her on probation.

Welcome, Lavender.

Why Lavender?

Because Google says lavender “evokes calm, relaxation, and a connection to nature.”

Which is basically her.

Definitely not me. I evoke mild chaos, aggressive confusion, and a disturbing attachment to hiking.

The day before the hike, she messaged:

“Rain predicted. What do we do?”

I replied:“Hike.”

She said:“Obviously.”

And just like that - Lavender’s probationary period ended.

Benefits include: moody atmosphere on inclines, getting lost, and being publicly renamed after pantry items.

Parkrun Chaos

So Saturday, Valentine’s Day, rainy and apparently the official gathering of EVERY HUMAN IN PRETORIA.

On arrival, it looked like a small city had formed.

Loud.

Busy.

Park run vibes.

Everything I hate.

Parking? Full.

Gates? Closed.

Outside I was immediately adopted by approximately thirty car guards, all deeply invested in my parking experience.

Cinnamon and I needed the toilets and somehow managed to accidentally enter through the Park run free-access gate.

When we tried to leave - so we could pay like actual, law-abiding citizens - the gate was locked.

There were awkward explanations to security, who glared at us like we were executing a botanical fraud operation.

Which was extra annoying, because if we were trying to get in for free, we would have simply stayed inside - not attempted a dramatic breakout.

Somewhere during this chaos we found Lavender - entirely calm.

Cinnamon too.

Clearly I was being “overly dramatic.”

Shocking, I know...

Once properly inside—fine. I’ll say it.

WOW.

This place is a lucky packet of nature.

First mention, Anton Smit. I seem to be running into his stunning sculptures everywhere lately.

Then the bonsai collection - each tree looked like a tiny ancient forest that’s lived several lives already.

“Spectacular” feels insufficient, but I’ll use it.

From there: small pockets of joy everywhere.

Immaculately maintained gardens.

Quirky corners.

Unexpected views.

Benches scattered right throughout.

The Park runners faded out, and honestly - we barely noticed them.

Wandering Aimlessly, As One Should

Every turn feels new, and you never feel like you’re walking in circles.

Lavender and I seem to be trail soulmates - we notice the same quiet details.

She expresses it delicately.

I respond with the energy of a trail goblin who’s just discovered moss.

Dassies appeared occasionally, as if on cue.

Adore them.

After meandering the stunning gardens to your heart’s content, you’ll eventually realise there are actual trails too

Eventually we reached a small, serene waterfall that demanded silence.

We stopped for a meal at the coffee shop, beautifully nestled between the trees. .

Cinnamon called it a day.

Lavender and I?

Absolutely not.

We wandered for another two hours.

Endless discoveries.

Valentine’s Day But Make It Botanical

Because it was Valentine’s Day, love was everywhere.

A proposal (we were basically witnesses).

Valentine-themed tents.

Possibly a wedding.

Possibly an anniversary.

Possibly several people who just really committed to the theme.

Everyone seemed to be celebrating something.

It was all very wholesome.

My faith in humanity almost renewed itself.

Almost.

Let’s not get carried away.

And yes - we saw a "Valentynsblom".

On Valentine’s Day.

Sure, it’s traditionally used to treat dysentery… but honestly?

Still poetic.

This is peaceful, quirky and unexpectedly magical.

So go.

Wander.

Notice the small things.

Gush if you must.

Or don’t. Stay emotionally reserved.

Pretend you’re above it all.

The flowers will bloom anyway.

RATINGS

Trail Information

AREA

Pretoria

COST

R 90

You can spend the day there.

Trail Details

TRAIL DIFFICULTY

Easy.

Unless you actively seek out mild inclines, in which case… congratulations, you found them.

TRAIL LENGTH

No idea.

It didn't seem important.

TRAIL MARKERS

None needed.

You’re in a garden, not the Drakensberg.

TRAIL HIGHLIGHTS

Endless little corners to explore.

Quiet shaded spots under trees.

Wide open lawns for picnics.

Hidden benches for staring into space.

Basically, choose your own adventure.

WEATHER CONDITIONS TO CONSIDER

Very forgiving.

Plenty of tree cover and shaded paths.

ABLUTIONS

SAFE FREE PARKING

AMENITIES

Picnic areas.

Kids’ playground.

Outdoor gym.

Coffee shop

NOTE TO SELF

You do not need to see everything. Yes you do. No you don’t. Yes you do.

FAMILY FRIENDLY

Most definitely

PET FRIENDLY

No

ON A FINAL NOTE

This is one of those rare places where you don’t need a plan, a route, or a goal.

You just arrive, wander, sit, notice things, and accidentally spend half the day there.

(TO)SOLO OR (NO)SOLO

(TO)SOLO